A book, A Book, My Kingdom For a Book

a slight departure from normal postings

Coffee and Cuddles

I beg your inulgence, dear readers.

Normally I talk mainly about coffee and self care because, they sort of go together. I realize that’s a strange title, allow me to explain please. I have started no less than 5 books before. Some are only a few sentences, others are more fleshed out. I recently began a new, non-fiction book. It’s about my life experiences, about my girlfriend, our relationship and little about the time before her. That part is icky but, must be told, if only to show the vast difference in my life now and in the times before. As of this posting I have 4885 words. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I try to write a little every day. Today, I wrote 2,259 of those words. Sometimes, the words just flow and I thank the muse for that. Other days, it can be a struggle. On those days, rather than feel discouraged, I walk away. I think that’s a better approach, and when I get out of my head, I find the words return. There’s an odd balance one must strike when writing of personal things. Now, I am not a proponent of airing dirty laundry as it were. My philosophy is more”that’s my story to tell, not yours”. Some ugly things will be brought to light, sadly, there’s just no avoiding that. I am sorry in advance for any hurt it causes. I am finding it difficult to blance enough info without crossing over into TMI. I think that’s one of biggest struggles. Press on we must! Onward and upward and all that.

Another thing I am facing is missing my kids. They are grown ups, well into their upper twenties. I have not spoken to them since january of 22. A lot has to do with the fact I left their mom, and by extension them, to move to Cali and escape a terrible, untenable situation. California was as far as I could get from my ex and previous life without leaving the continental US. The other part of it, I’m sure is the abrupt way I left. It was exremely short notice for reasons I cannot go into here. This is not the blog for that.

I text them every day. I try to call and it goes straight to voicemail. I even send emails and nada. Not a peep. To say I’m heartbroken is the understatement of the decade at least. I can’t watch reels about parents and their kids without dying a little more. Same with movies and TV. Hard to really avoid all that realistically. I do the best I can. To anyone reading this, if you’re experiencing something similar, my heart goes out to you. I know how it feels. Appreciate and love your kids every second. Never ever allow yourself to be content or think it will never go away. It does. I know first hand.

Thank you for letting me rant. Back to more positive me tomorrow.

~Coffee~